“Mammy’s little baby loves shortenin’ bread.” That’s my favorite song for singing. I used to sing it to my kids as we drove down the highway, that is until they got tired of the song and started singing something else. Actually they tolerated it for a relatively long time and joined in. It’s a nice bouncy little tune that won’t put one to sleep, fun and easy to sing. Besides that, it promotes the advantageous qualities of shortenin’ bread. For example, consider the line “Three little darkies layin’ in da bed, two wus sick and da other most dead. Sent fur da doctor, da doctor said, ‘feed dem chillen on shortenin’ bread.’” According to the song shortenin’ bread is good stuff.

Some unhappy, politically correct people may think the song racist because of its reference to Mammy or little darkies or the dialect or some other absurd thing. There is nothing racist about the song. It’s just a delightful little ditty that’s fun to sing. Surely one can speak in descriptive language without being racist. And politically correct garbage exists only to limit one’s freedom of speech.

I’m pretty sure that the first lady – what’s her name – oh yeah, Michelle Obama wouldn’t approve of the song on the grounds that shortenin’ bread may be fattening. I wonder if she thinks she’s the official obesity czar. If she could wean Mammy’s little baby off shortenin’ bread and substitute vegetables and fruit, the problem would be solved wouldn’t it? Well, she has her hands in the school lunch (or is it breakfast, lunch and supper) program. Instead of feeding the children food they like, give them fruits and veggies and ban all snacks from the schoolhouse. How did Michelle get to be the national expert on nutrition? Four years ago nobody had ever heard of her. Ever wonder why the President sneaks out to fast food joints?

Certainly children’s fatness has lots to do with what they eat, but I’ll bet it has more to do with what they do. I hear that schools have little or no recess these days. I contend that a half hour of outdoor play and less time with their electronic toys would do much more for slimming down the children than will fruits and veggies.

Let’s close this little rant on a happy note. OK? “I slipped to da kitchen, slipped off da led, filled my pockets wid shortenin’ bread. Stole da skillet, stole da led, stole da gal dat made da shortenin’ bread. They caught me wid da skillet, caught me wid da led, caught me wid da gal dat made da shortenin’ bread. (sadly) Paid six dollars fur da skillet, six dollars fur da led, spent six month in jail (joyfully) eatin’ shortenin’ bread.”