HELEN: A pretty young woman. Brown eyes and a pleasant smile soft brown, shoulder-length hair. Married. Likes to flirt with men. 

GENE: A vivacious, blue-eyed, former Texan, democrat, opinionated, likable. Mother of four.

MOE: A slightly overweight woman, brown eyes and hair, sharp nose. Kids around with men at work, not serious with them.

JAKE: A young boy of eight or nine who likes weddings.

JACK: A sales rep for the company of the groom. Blond, curly headed, handsome, single

WILL: A guy who likes to attend functions.

“Hi Jean! Looks like they’re finally going to tie the knot. How long has this pair been going together?” said Helen as they approached the Church door.

“Oh, hello Helen. Durned if I know. She’s been working at the Plant for about four years, so I’d guess it’s less than that, wouldn’t you say J B,” said Jean as she eyed her husband.

“Well, no matter. I’ve known couples that got married after going steady for ten years,” said Helen.

“She’ll be a beautiful bride. Why else would they go through the trouble and expense of a big wedding?” someone was heard to say as they filed into the Church.

Inside the Church, attendees of the wedding were greeted by an usher who separated friends of the bride from those of the groom and seated them on the proper side of the center aisle, while the organist played soft romantic love songs. 

Jack, a veteran of many weddings but not of his own,

was the senior of the ushers. His blond, curly hair complemented his blue eyes and handsome face. He was a sales representative for the groom’s company.

Joe, the other usher was a personable friendly fellow. Unlike his fellow usher, Joe had no curls on his head. In fact Joe had no hair where his curls should have been if he had had curls. Yet he was a young man, still in his twenties. Joe and Jack did a good job in getting the people seated toward the front,

A friend of the bride with a fine baritone voice sang two of the bride’s favorite songs before her arrival. 

Meanwhile in a secluded closet or something similar near the front of the Church the nervous groom sat waiting for his cue to show his face down front. Despite the company of his “best man” it was an interminable wait. Why was the guy singing so slowly. Why two songs? Wasn’t one enough? Then suddenly it was time to move out to receive his bride. Knees shaking, he made his way out to meet her. Instead of his bride, he saw a bevy of young women coming down the aisle. They, too, moved slowly. Nothing to do but wait while they took their places down front. Finally there was a familiar sound, a theme of Mendelssohn from his “Midsummer Night’s Dream”, The Wedding March. Glory be, here came the bride. A man stepped forward and presented the bride to her groom.

During the procession a boy of seven or eight sat at the aisle with his mother. As the bride passed, the boy looked up at his mother and whispered, “She sure is a pretty lady, Mom.” This was not the boy’s first wedding. He liked to go to weddings.

Back to the main event, the Clergyman asked the “Do you” questions and got the correct “I do” answers. The rings were passed with no trouble. The “Man and Wife” pronouncement was made, and the “You may kiss the bride” permission was accepted by the groom with gusto. Once the groom came up for air the guy in charge said, “Let me present to you Mr. and Mrs. Robins, John and Clara. They will greet you at the reception next door”.

The newlyweds led the way inside the large area supplied with tables and chairs, as if one was meant to stay a while. People lined up to offer congratulations to the couple. Many took a table afterward and others left, having things to do. A number of folks kissed the bride as if it were the last chance.

When Helen and her husband reached the couple he took a turn at kissing the bride. Helen loved to flirt with men and she’d not miss a golden opportunity that presented itself. She congratulated the bride with a handshake and gave the groom a big smooch on the mouth. He looked surprised, but only because he didn’t know Helen.

Once the line had dwindled away the newlyweds took to the cake cutting ceremony. After doing silly things like stuffing cake into each other’s mouths they thanked everyone for coming, for the gifts and invited all to help themselves to snacks they would find on the table and to the wedding cake, that would soon be sliced. 

When the people were engaged in stocking up on snacks the newlyweds slipped out of the hall to change clothes. They intended to leave on their honeymoon very soon.

“Is John driving his car when they leave here?”

“I believe so.”

“I hope he had a good hiding place for it. Considering the faces I have seen here today he’ll need a good place.”

“I heard that John got his old buddy, Bob, to take care of it for him. Bob’s a pretty reliable fellow.”

“Yeah, but Jack and a couple of his team are here. Speaking of Jack I haven’t seen him for a while, nor Joe.”

“And where is old trusty buddy Bob?”

“Oh there he is. He’s just coming in from outside.”

By and by John announced that they must leave, and headed toward the door. He stopped short when he saw his car that Bob had brought to the front of the hall. The windows were down and a chain held a metal sign announcing to the world that here was a pair of honeymooners. The car could be entered only from the passenger side because of the chain. Bon Ami messages covered most of the available space. A lot of tin cans followed to make sure they didn’t go unnoticed.

John stared in bewilderment for a very long moment, then grasped Clara’s arm and got into the car, pulling her in after him. John announced his intent to find a shop with a bolt cutter to remove the chain. However, Bob could stand it no longer and gave John the key to the lock that completed the loop of the chain.